Your sex life is lacking; what is the first solution to solving this problem? Asking your spouse to sleep with somebody else.
Had I been asked this question in a 20-year faithful marriage, I guarantee my first reaction would be devastation, heartache and humiliation but in an article published several weeks ago by the New York Times, “Is an Open Marriage a Happier Marriage?” Susan Dominus navigates through real life couples embracive to sexual relationships outside their monogamous unit – and claim happiness through it.
The article predominantly follows the relationship of Daniel and Elizabeth. Daniel had first expressed ideas of an open marriage and was denied by his wife. Years down the track, Elizabeth was infatuated by another male and was eager on the idea of marriage despite Daniel’s protest and pain.
It sounds like your typically sought Cinderella story, correct?
But to understand ‘open marriages’ we need to strip back the veil covering this blatant term and expose what it really is: adultery.
Jessica Burke, The Federalist, reports: “Euphemisms are not a new tactic in trying to excuse or soften someone’s wrongdoings.” To normalise the prospect of ‘open marriages’ would consequently eradicate the foundations of marriage.
Dolores Conway, 61 years old and still married stating, “Long-time love is a long-time give-and-take process. You give love, time and energy to the relationship.” However, is this concept increasingly possible when ‘long-time love’ is divided for multiple people. JB Cachila, similarly imposing the notion that marriage is commitment to one; then becoming one with an individual, particularly in thoughts, feelings and prioritising them above yourself.
Sigi Veit, another veteran to marriage of 69 years claiming “It has always been our motto that my wife comes first in every regard and in turn my wife puts me first in every regard. Therefore, we are both lucky to be number one.”
Traditionally, marriage is maintained between two people but the additional third person creates the idea of competition. Not only does the competition spark rivalry and jealousy but the sole inclusion of three takes away from marriage itself. Burke, expresses this through open marriage is no marriage because The New York Times is looking for a redefinition to marriage.
“Nonmonogamous” relationships are the ideas that The New York Time is trying to rationalise. Polygamy is not a new topic and to some extent maintains its ‘taboo’ nature. However, polygamy is not marriage; it should not be considered as marriage. While the scope of relationships, sexual orientations and human behaviour is forever expanding, I’m not detesting the idea individuals cannot choose to engage in multiple partners but it should not be labelled as marriage.
“Poly Triad: I’m divorcing my husband so we can marry our girlfriend” released by Barcroft has been one of the more controversial stories to air. Benno and Cristina embraced Sierra into their relationship and while claiming “We are very happy together, we share all our feelings” there are the contradictory statements of “It’s harder communicating because there is three and not two.”
Television Shows like BTV and publications like the New York Times have pushed for the idea of nonmonagmous marriages, attempting to recognise a sense of happiness through the works. To this day, ‘open marriages’ remains fanciful. If they’re going to reason its existence than at least call for a different title for referral.