The new sex (ahem – rape) trend, dubbed ‘stealthing’, refers to a guy taking off his condom during sex without his partner’s consent. While there are a ton of responses highlighting the immorality of this practice, we want to focus on the need to stop victim shaming and instead provide them with a safe place to talk.

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“Change the channel, you shouldn’t be watching that!”

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My mum, like many people, is a bury-your-head-in-the-sand kind of gal. She’ll ‘watch’ something scary, or gory, or sexy (or basically anything that isn’t cute puppies and sunshine) through the gaps in her fingers, humming the theme song to the Big Bang Theory and waiting for someone to tap her on the shoulder and tell her it’s over.

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While this may be endearing (albeit slightly annoying) when watching something on the telly, it’s a really big issue in society when it comes to dealing with the gritty truth of everyday life.

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One of these said concerns at the moment is the sex trend ‘stealthing’. Occurring when a male sneakily removes his condom during sex without the consent of the other party, you start to see where the practice gets its name.

 

“Stealth”: it sounds like a game, or a warzone.

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And that’s pretty much what this trend is making of our legal system.

 

A man in Switzerland received a 12-month suspended sentence for stealthing, but as of yet, no one has taken a case to court in Australia, so authorities are having a hard time developing legislation and persecuting anyone. There is also, unfortunately, a lot of grey area: legally it is only ‘rape’ if the other party becomes aware of it, asks the guy to stop and he doesn’t.

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This is, however, not my place to rant about the illegality of the act – I wholeheartedly agree that, by definition, ‘without consent’ means ‘rape’. See the myriad of articles condemning this trend for its immorality. It is my purpose here, however, to bring to the forefront the need for a safe space to talk about these experiences.

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Imagine the number of cases of rape that don’t get pursued by the authorities, either from lack of memory, evidence, or desire to bring such experiences to the surface.

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Picture how much this number will increase when you factor in this and other new trends that the police and legal system haven’t even begun to get a handle on.

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Now imagine this number as potential emotional prisons, each roiling with suppressed emotions, traumatic experiences and a general distrust of mankind.

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Trauma has a way of staying with you, so much so that if you keep it bottled up inside it can do some serious damage. Victims of rape have reported an emotional detachment  that makes it extremely difficult for them to establish meaningful relationships based on trust with other people.

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Not that there is much that I can say about Netflix’s 13 Reasons Why that would convince my mum to watch it, it’s only potentially redeeming quality, in my opinion, is the message it sends about the importance of allowing others to express their feelings in a safe space. Society needs to understand that stealthing is actually really damaging to a person’s psyche and safety, and instead of victim shaming, or ignoring the issue, we need to bring it into the non-judgemental light. For the safety of those involved.

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